Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted! A lot has been going on in my life, and most of you probably know that the Lord has FINALLY decided that it was the right time for A.J. and I to welcome a little one into this world! We could not be more excited for November!
As I’ve been announcing the news, many people have asked me to share my entire testimony, so I figured I’d just write it.
A.J. and I got married in September 2009. We knew we didn’t want children right away because we were very young. He still had another year of school left, and I was trying to support us as we lived in a 700 square foot apartment in Baton Rouge. Things were tight, but we were happy. After he graduated, he got a job in Metairie, so we moved back to Covington. In 2012, we bought our own house with plenty of room to raise a family, so we started to try later that year. It wasn’t a “we need a family right now” kinda thing, but more of “if it happens, it happens.” Well, nothing happened. After about 9 months of nothing, I decided to go to my doctor and see what he thought. He put me on Clomid, which is basically the lowest form of fertility treatment they offer. After 5 months on that with nothing happening, we decided to see a fertility specialist because we started to get concerned. They say a normal, healthy couple conceives within 6 months to a year. We’d been trying for over a year now. The fertility doctor put me back on Clomid at a higher dosage, and wala! I was pregnant. We couldn’t believe it. Christmas Eve 2013. We were on cloud 9, but that didn’t last long. I went in on New Year’s Eve and found out that not only was I losing the baby, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. As much as I fought it, I knew what I had to do and that was get a shot to terminate the pregnancy. If we left it alone, it could rupture and kill me. At that point I didn’t care if it did – I did NOT want the shot. A.J. sat me down and told me I needed to get it, so I did. We had to wait 3 more months before trying anything. During that time my grandmother passed away, whom I was very close with, and A.J.’s grandfather passed away right after we lost the baby. To say we were depressed is an understatement. The enemy tried to convince me that it would never happen for me as I watched everyone around me getting the exact thing in which I was praying.
After the 3 months, we went forward with a more aggressive form of treatment. Three months later, I found out I was pregnant again. I was super cautious this time and didn’t get too excited. Because we were at a fertility clinic, they monitor you very closely. Things were progressing very well. At my 6 week ultrasound they ruled out ectopic because there was something forming in the uterus. However, at my 7 week ultrasound they saw no form of life. No heartbeat. No baby. They told us to come back a few days later to see if it was too early to see anything. Still nothing. The doctor told me I needed a D&C. At that point, I couldn’t go on. A few days before my surgery, A.J.’s aunt passed away suddenly. I don’t think we’d ever been that low. That was September 2014.
I started to really question God. He’d given me the names of my children, so I knew that I knew that I knew I would have them. But when???? If you know me, patience is something I struggle with. I want it now! A.J. and I made a conscious decision at that time that we would always praise the name of Jesus no matter what – good or bad, life or death, kids or no kids. He’s our God, and we will always serve Him.
After the 2nd miscarriage, we decided to take a break from everything. I couldn’t handle it anymore. My body couldn’t take it anymore. I struggled with fear, anxiety, stress, worry, doubt – you name it. All I could do was rely on what I knew the Lord told me.
We decided to go a more natural route. I changed my lifestyle completely. To this day I eat dairy-free, gluten-free and low sugar foods. I got into a fitness regime to try and get my body “normal.” In April of 2015, we decided we were ready to try again and were just going to go forward with IVF as much as neither of us wanted to. I called to make my consultation, but we happened to hear about another program at the same time. It’s called the Gianna Center of the Gulf South. It’s a Catholic organization that teaches you how to know your body and when is the best time to avoid pregnancy. We, however, used the program the opposite way obviously. The same time I was supposed to go in for an IVF consultation, we were going on vacation for 2 weeks. We took this as a sign that maybe the Lord wanted us to try the Gianna Center, so we put IVF on hold.
We went to the classes. They teach you to chart and all that fun stuff. The doctor that is associated with the program moved to Louisiana last summer. I started going to her in September. She basically started over with blood tests, ultrasounds – everything. She found out that my thyroid was low, and started me on some medicine. Other than that, she couldn’t really pinpoint anything. Up to this point, no doctor could tell me what was wrong with me. A.J. was fine, so what was it about me?
In October, the Lord spoke to me and told me to quit my job. Ummmm, what??? I told A.J. and we both fasted and prayed for a week. Afterwards, we both knew this is what I was supposed to do. The Lord wanted me to rest – in every sense of the word. My body, my spirit, my mind – everything. Because of insurance reasons, I had to wait until February 1st to quit, so I worked up until then.
After 4 months of nothing happening, we decided to go forward with a diagnostic surgery in January 2016. I just wanted to know what is going on in there! My doctor found mild spots of endometriosis, but nothing that she would consider a huge problem. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I’d rather her say, “this was the problem, and I fixed it.” At my post-op appointment two weeks later, she told me the cultures of my uterus came back positive for 2 kinds of bacteria. She then put A.J. and I both on antibiotics for 3 weeks. At this point, I did what ever she told me to do. She had me on several other vitamins and minerals.
At this point it was February, so I was no longer working. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt your season change, but I physically felt it. I knew February 1st marked a new season for me. I knew it. I didn’t know what the new season entailed, but I knew it was going to be different.
Well, after 3 1/2 years of trying, 2 miscarriages and a surgery, it took 3 weeks of antibiotics and a whole lot of Jesus because I got pregnant that very month! Now you can’t tell me that God’s timing isn’t perfect! I may not understand why I had to go through everything I did, but God does.
Let me tell you, if you’ve ever experienced infertility and/or pregnancy loss, the faith to get pregnant is one thing. The faith it requires when you’re actually pregnant is a whole other story. We didn’t tell many people at all at first because of my history. I knew this time was different, but in the back of my mind I still worried. We went to our first ultrasound and I was a wreck. Seeing that child on the screen was the most emotional thing I’ve ever witnessed! Hearing the heartbeat just last week, was something I’ll never forget.
I still struggle with worrying about my little one, but I know a God that has everything under control. This child is in His hands, and has a huge plan over it’s life. A.J. and I joke that this child better be the next Moses with everything we’ve been through!
I started this blog because the Lord wanted me to help other people that either struggled or are struggling with fertility issues and/or pregnancy loss, but He also wanted me to help bring hope to anyone that is or was dealing with a hard season. I know what it’s like. I’ve been there. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced “the pit” before, but I have. However, there’s one thing I can tell you: you will get out, and your time will come. He’s a faithful God. He doesn’t leave us in our misery and tell us to “deal with it.” He comes and holds us up when we can’t walk. He wants us to rest in His shadow and under His wing.
When God finally says, “Yes” it’s very hard to understand. Honestly, you wonder if it’s really happening and if He’s going to take it back. He’s so faithful and so good. Maybe you are still waiting on Him. Maybe you have a testimony similar to mine. I pray that you find comfort in my story and know that God is no respecter of persons. As many times as I reminded Him of that, He knows it! Many, many songs came out of that season of my life. I learned so much about myself and God. I know what it’s like to have no control over a situation and fully have to rely on Him. I get it. Please don’t lose hope. If anything, please take my story and remind God that if He did it for me He will do it for you. It doesn’t have to be about children. Maybe you’re praying for a healing in another area, or for a spouse, for direction – whatever it may be. He is faithful. His words don’t come back void. He loves you to the point of death. You are not forgotten. You are not alone.
I’m thinking of starting a support group at my house for anyone that has specifically struggled with fertility and/or pregnancy/infant loss. If you would be interested, please let me know!
We serve a MIGHTY God and NOTHING is impossible with Him!
Lavah Ministries 